Some men tend to blow things right from the start. It’s not that they aren’t attractive or don’t know how to hold a conversation – sometimes, they just start off the wrong foot.
When this happens, they’ve already ruined the game by giving women a negative impression. At this point, it’s usually hard (though not impossible) to change a woman’s mind about you.
So why not save yourself a load of trouble and learn how NOT to freak women out? Here are the essentials:
#1: Don’t Get Lost In Your Head
When it comes to approaching women, the first step is always the hardest. That’s because a lot of guys have to get over the fear of getting the ball rolling in the first place.
There’s a deal of uncertainty involved with talking to a total stranger since it’s basically walking into unfamiliar territory. This situation can make your mind go through a hundred “what if” scenarios; the more you try to play fortune teller and obsess about what’s going to happen, the more likely you’ll fail.
Eventually, you’ll be so lost in your thoughts that you’ll end up not talking to the girl at all. If you do work up enough nerve at this point however, you’ve already hurt chances since you took too long to approach her.
To a woman, there’s nothing more annoying (or creepier) than having a guy hang in the background, waiting for the “right time” to talk to her. By the time you have your long-delayed conversation, there’s a serious amount of awkwardness hanging in the air.
Here’s another related problem: even if you manage to keep the hesitation to a minimum, you can still shoot yourself in the foot if you’re too busy thinking about unnecessary stuff during a conversation with a woman.
Aside from thinking too much about the outcome, some of the most common thoughts include:
“Gee, I really hope she likes me…”
“I wonder if she’s going to give me her number at the end of this conversation.”
“I gotta think of something cool/funny/witty to say before she finishes talking…”
It’s pointless to distract yourself with this kind of chatter in your head. The best way to make headway with a girl is to shut off your brain and FOCUS on what she’s actually saying.
Paying attention is the best way to contribute something worthwhile to the conversation, so don’t over-think things if you want to make some rapport.
#2: Hot Women Are People Too
Here’s a fun fact: women are often exasperated that men are too chicken to actually talk to them.
Usually, these guys are perfectly capable of having a decent conversation with everybody else. When it comes to talking to an attractive woman however, they get tongue-tied and mess things up because of this mental block.
If you find yourself in the same situation, you need to remember that the women you’re attracted to don’t actually have any power over you. They’re people just like everyone else, even if you do want them to like you.
If you think that you need to talk to them differently – like your boss as opposed to your co-workers – then you’ve made the game infinitely difficult for yourself. How can you ever hope to break middle ground with someone you can’t perceive as an equal?
When you give out this kind of vibe, a woman will pick up on it. In the end, she’ll unconsciously agree with your perception and have a hard time respecting you.
If you need some tips on how to get around this mental block and hold a decent conversation, I suggest checking this out:
#3: Pace Yourself
Another no-no is going all-out because of all the nervous energy you’ve built up from over-thinking things. Like I said, trying to predict the outcome and getting ahead of yourself is the path to failure – it only puts you on edge.
In this frenzied state, you’ll end up turning off women from looking like a needy puppy desperate for attention and approval.
Common symptoms include: hanging onto her every word, agreeing with absolutely EVERYTHING she says, and being afraid to joke around with her. All of these things indicate that you’re too nervous to actually have some fun talking to her.
Again, this puts out an unattractive vibe that a girl can detect and make her feel uneasy. If you’re having problems in this department, try to acknowledge what’s going on and tell yourself, “Oops, I’m doing it again!”
Once you learn how to consciously identify it, you’ll be able to exercise a little restraint and have enough nerve to use some humor in the conversation. Women are appreciative of guys who don’t grovel at their feet – you can set yourself apart with some good-spirited banter.
As long as you’re not making fun of her appearance or anything below the belt, then you should be fine. The important thing is that you’re not jumping at every chance to get her approval.
If you haven’t noticed by now, all of these common issues start from the same place: your head.
Don’t forget that being successful with women has a lot to do with how you think. That’s why weeding out the negative mindsets in your head will keep you from acting or talking in a way that repels women.