By Mirabelle Summers
Author of Get A Great Guy Guide
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How To Bring Out His Inner Romantic
One of the most common complaints I hear from women in relationships is that their man does not give them enough romance.
But often when I ask the male partners of these very women what they do to show their love towards their wife or girlfriend, they immediately string off a list of things they do all the time, many of which can be considered very romantic.
So what’s going on here?
The trouble is, often women are just not picking up on the signs of their partner’s romantic gestures, as they are too focused on looking out for candles, jewelry, and bouquets of roses.
Be ready to re-wire your idea of what romance is, and start to appreciate you man for his own personal romantic gestures – which mean just as much as the roses, trust me.
First of all, I want you to read and take in this line: Every man who is in love with a woman IS romantic.
Some of you may disagree.
But let me repeat. Every man who is in love with a woman is romantic, and every man will show his romance in a different way. Yes, even yours.
Type ‘romance’ into google, and you’ll find the definition is “a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love”.
Note: excitement and mystery.
So what we tend to think of when we hear ‘romance’ are the candlelight dinners, walks on the beach, diamonds, roses, and declarations of undying love that we see in the movies.
But are rom-coms actually crippling the romantic efforts of our men?
Do you ever get home from a chick flick and immediately start gushing about how amazingly romantic the male star was? And tell your man how you wish he was like that?
If this is you, it’s time to stop doing this now.
While your man may laugh this off and say something along the lines of “Pfft, whatever, I’m not into that mushy kind of crap”, on the inside he’s probably actually feeling a little hurt and insecure.
Because you’ve just pointed out that he isn’t a good enough boyfriend, and can’t make you feel how that movie star made his lady feel.
And because he feels like he will never be able to live up to what Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise just did on screen (which, by the way, was FICTION), he won’t ever bother trying.
Men do want to be romantic – they just need a little encouragement
Men are really scared of going ‘all out’ with the romance, and just ending up coming off looking like a total dumbass.
They do really want to be able to keep their partners happy and be everything that she desires.
But as we discussed in Understand and Conquer His 6 Biggest Relationship Fears, men have major insecurities that they won’t be able to be good enough boyfriends who can keep their partners happy.
So avoid nagging your man about being more romantic, as this is only likely to bring out these fears and have the opposite effect.
Make sure you are not putting any more pressure on him to be romantic than he is already feeling himself, and avoid comparing your relationship with others.
Learn to appreciate your man’s unique style of romance
Ok, so your man cleaning your car for you and ordering a pizza for you to share when you get home from work on a Friday night may not seem as ‘exciting’ and ‘mysterious’ as some other romantic gestures.
But in both cases, your man is still making an effort to do something to surprise you and make your life easier.
So what if these things are a bit more practical than a diamond necklace?
They are romantic, all the same.
Think about all the little things that your man does for you on a daily basis to help you, or make you feel special. Does he ever do the jobs you don’t enjoy doing? Send you a text hoping you’re having a good day? Make you a coffee in the morning?
Realise also that some men find it really hard to put their emotions into words, no matter how much love they may be feeling toward their partners.
In this case, he may show signs of romance that are more practical and physical. For example, holding you close after you have made love, or putting his jacket around your shoulders when you’re cold.
All he needs is for you to recognize all of these gestures as being romantic, and show your appreciation for them.
So help him by acknowledging to him when he IS being romantic, and really show your appreciation for his efforts. Make him feel really special (like the world’s greatest boyfriend).
This will encourage him by allowing him to recognize that he can actually be romantic – and may be a stepping stone to things like flowers and surprise trips away.
If you can pick up on the small romantic gestures he makes more often and learn to love his style of romance, chances are he may even start feeling confident enough to venture into more ‘traditional’ romantic territory.
Lead the way
When it comes to bringing out your man’s inner romantic, sometimes you need to be prepared to lead the way.
For example, you could start by organizing a surprise activity or night out for you both one day, which is romantic and exciting but not too overboard (so as to not make him feel he can’t live up to it).
Then you could suggest that on the next free weekend you both have, he can choose the activity – where the only rule is that he has to keep it a surprise from you.
This will give him a chance to think outside the box, put some thought into it and probably surprise you with the romantic ideas he comes up with!
You can also help your man to move past the barrier of being scared of failure by making sure you emphasize the things that you love in your day-to-day life.
For example, does he know that your favorite food is a Thai green curry? That you love going to the beach? That you really want to see the new James Bond movie?
Make sure that he does.
Men often aren’t so great about picking up on the really subtle hints women drop, so try to make it a bit more obvious when you really like something. Please watch this video if you want real-life dating advice…
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Please also tell us what are the signs if one is in a long distance relationship.
Great blog. Hind site can be an eye opener. My X used to always help me hang out the laundry when we were first together, it may not seem like much but at first I thought it was so sweet. He would drop whatever he was doing and carry the laundry out to the line and help me hang it. I started to expect it and when he didn’t do it I was upset and when he did do it I didn’t make much of a big deal of it. Now that we are not together its these little things I remember and miss so much.
Thank you.