Your greatest enemy in pickup isn’t the other alpha males competing for the same babes: it’s YOURSELF.
Do thoughts like these ever run through your mind?
“She’s not interested in guys like me.”
“If I go up and talk to her, I’ll just make a fool out of myself.”
“I’m going to be single forever.”
“There’s no point in even trying.”
“I’m never going to look like Brad Pitt.”
If so, then you could be committing the unforgivable sin…
Beating yourself up before she has a chance to do it first.
We all do it. We’ve all got an inner monologue going on inside our heads, providing a running commentary to our days.
We point out things to ourselves – “Wow, that girl is HOT!” – and we remind ourselves of things – “Damn, I forgot to ring Jane before I left.” We think up witty comebacks and replay the best of our conversational exchanges.
But your thoughts aren’t always the friends they seem to be.
Sometimes, you can talk yourself out of something because you’re afraid. You can justify wussing out with 101 excuses. You tell yourself that you’re not going to succeed anyway, so why bother trying…
TEST OUT YOUR INNER GAME
Here’s a test to see if your thoughts are working for you or against you.
Look up from your computer screen and look around you. See if you can spot an attractive woman that you wouldn’t mind knowing. (If there isn’t an attractive woman in your immediate environment, think back to the most attractive woman you’ve seen that day.)
Now imagine what would happen if you walked up to her and started talking to her.
Picture it as fully as possible: what you say, what she says. Play out the entire scenario in your mind, down to the end of the exchange.
Got an image in your head?
Good.
Here’s how to interpret your results.
1. If the woman rejected you in your imagination – or your approach went horribly wrong – then you definitely need a brush-up on inner game.
2. If, on the other hand, you had a successful or neutral exchange, then you’ve got a good grip on inner game. Congratulations!
WHAT INNER GAME IS ABOUT
Inner game is about harnessing the power of the mind to work FOR you rather than AGAINST you.
All too often, we’re our own worst critic. We look in the mirror and tell ourselves, “I look like crap. No woman will ever be attracted to this face. I might as well go back to bed and hide under the covers.”
Am I hearing a chuckle of recognition here?
Have you ever told yourself, “God, that was stupid. I was such an idiot. How could I have said that?”
Have you ever steeled yourself up for an approach with, “Whatever you do, don’t make a fool of yourself, and don’t mess this one up”?
Negative thoughts like the above literally drain you of every ounce of attractiveness in the eyes of women.
Abandoning negative for positive thinking should be old hat by now. We’ve known for decades that positive people are more successful, more attractive, and all-around happier. So why don’t we do it?
Because it’s cooler to be negative. Grumpy guys have an air of mystery about them. Meanness is manly. Do male models ever smile? Of course not.
Myself, I think we’ve got NEGATIVITY confused with CONFIDENCE. There’s a major difference between being in control of your emotions (good) and looking on the dark side of everything (bad).
If you’re confident, you don’t play the “I was so stupid” game. You make an opportunity out of every defeat. You don’t beat yourself up. You learn your lesson, and you move on.
GAME OVER
One of the clearest signs that your game is off is when you find yourself trying to impress a woman.
Women know when you’re trying to impress them, and it lowers you a rung in their eyes. If you were truly confident, you wouldn’t need to try to impress anyone.
A lot of guys don’t even realize they’re doing it. They try to be witty and make a woman laugh, but they have no idea how to do anything else. When they’re in the company of an attractive woman, they automatically go into performance mode.
One of the hardest things for any guy to master is the ability to BE HIMSELF no matter who else is around.
It makes sense. If you see someone attractive, you want them to notice you, and you want them to think highly of you.
But you don’t have to MAKE them think highly of you. They’ll form their own opinion about you as they get to know you. If you’re a great guy, then they’ll have a great opinion. Simple as that.
So stop trying to be the life of the party. Start trusting that the right women will notice you. Have faith that, the more someone gets to know you, the more they’ll naturally like you all by themselves.
If you’re worried that you’re not that interesting or appealing to women, then DO something about it. One of the greatest achievements any human being can accomplish is a life well lived, so start living a life you can be proud of.