You know that feeling of satisfaction you get when you’ve finished a game? It’s like, great job, spray the champagne, slaps on the back all round … but then five minutes later you’re up for another game.
A lot of guys tell me that that’s the feeling they get when they get a girlfriend.
At first, they’re congratulating themselves for scoring such a hot babe and, whoa, she wants to keep coming back for more! They’re riding high, and they don’t think they’ll ever hit the ground.
But then they do hit the ground, and the game is OVER.
Having a girlfriend can be a let-down, if you’ve built relationships up to be this mythical state of paradise where nothing ever goes wrong.
Worse yet, the longer you stay in a relationship, the more your game lapses. So, if you ever DO break up, you’ll be stuck with rusty pickup skills and laughter ringing in your ears.
But if you think that I’m about to tell you to avoid the girlfriend trap, you’re wrong, because I’m not.
There’s a time and a place for having a girlfriend. It’s essential that you know how to identify where YOU are at.
So check out the following three tips, which should help you get you through the, “Oh my god, I’m stuck with one woman for the rest of my life,” feeling.
TIP #1.
“Know where you’re at in life.”
Life goes through stages. Some stages are appropriate for a relationship, while others aren’t.
If you’ve just started out in the dating world and haven’t had much experience, you’re going to want to enjoy everything right away. As a result, you may be tempted to rush into a long-term relationship with the first girl who says yes. In a word, DON’T!
Think of yourself as being in training. You’ve got to date lots of women to figure out what works and what doesn’t, and what you like and what you don’t.
Once you get over that initial exploration phase, you’re going to be getting down to the nitty-gritty of honing your attraction skills so that you experience consistent results.
Only after you’ve (1) seen what is out there and (2) mastered enough skills to get consistent results are you ready to invest the time and energy into a relationship. I’m firm on this point, and let me tell you why.
See, if you get into a relationship when you have no idea what else is out there, you’re going to not only accept whatever behavior your girlfriend throws at you (because you don’t know any better), but you’re also going to be constantly wondering if this is the best it gets.
And if you jump into a relationship without mastering attraction skills, you’re going to (1) hold onto this girl for dear life – because you’re so afraid that you won’t be able to get another girlfriend if you lose this one – and (2) you’re going to mess it up with her – because you haven’t yet mastered the skill of understanding women.
Got it?
Know what stage in life you’re at, and don’t jump the gun.
TIP #2.
“Be open to your life changing DRASTICALLY.”
I’ve heard a couple of guys tell me that they would have never believed it, if you’d told them two years ago, how their lives would have changed as a result of having a girlfriend. One guy was a father; the other guy was living in his girlfriend’s home town and doing the whole Sunday family barbecue thing.
Are you ready for YOUR life to change?
If you kind of like things as they are now and really don’t want to give up your single guy perks (girlie calendars, late nights shooting pool, a pizza-and-beer diet), then I wouldn’t recommend a relationship. Girls tend to take issue with a lot of the stuff that are staples of the single guy lifestyle.
That being said, if it really doesn’t bother you to start staying home on a weekend, cuddle up on the sofa with a DVD, even get a cat, then you deserve to be a one-woman man.
Girls love guys who are willing to give up their wild ways for them. It’s a source of pride for a girl to tell her friends that her boyfriend preferred to stay home with her rather than go on a Vegas weekend with the guys.
Settling down can be scary if you’re not ready for the shift, so prepare yourself. Make sure that you know what you are doing and set your limits as to how far you’re willing to do things her way. If she’s worth keeping, she’ll encourage you to have some time on your own for doing “guy things,” as long as she has time with her friends for doing “girl things.”
TIP #3.
“See yourself in a new light.”
All those things that once gave you a sense of self-esteem – your ability to pull, the jar of phone numbers kept on your bedside dresser, the torrid tales of weekend exploits that you and your buddies shared each Monday – are going to go by the wayside when you settle into a relationship.
You have to be ready to see yourself differently and find new ways to feel good about yourself.
Girlfriends have a tendency to make a guy go healthy. They make you watch what you eat, get enough sleep, and take care of yourself. If you’re not careful, you can end up feeling mothered.
But that’s just something you’re going to have to expect and be prepared for. When you’re with a girl, you have someone else to be responsible to. She deserves to know that you’re not out on a drinking binge with your buddies placing bets as to who can pick up the hottest chick.
She deserves to know that you’re thinking about her and what would be best for your relationship.
Relationships make you take the focus off yourself and put it on a new subject: the BOTH of you. It’s no longer just about you and what you want to do; it’s about her and what she wants, too.
If you’re holding fast to your own identity and feel that her interference is threatening your freedom, then you may not be in the right place to have a relationship.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is tell a girl that you don’t want a relationship with her. If you go for a relationship and you’re not in a stage where you feel ready for the changes that will bring, then I can guarantee you that there WILL be a breakup in the future, and it’s gonna get ugly.
Don’t put yourself through that. Don’t put HER through that. Be the guy who’s up front about whether he wants to have a relationship or casually date. Be certain in your own head about what your intentions are. The clearer you are to yourself, the clearer she’ll hear the message.
That’s all for now, feel free to share your comments and thoughts with me below. (Even if you don’t agree with me!)