By Mirabelle Summers
Author of Get A Great Guy Guide
If you want genuine men and not just any man, this will challenge your beliefs about love and attraction, and show you the way to become a seduction success story, check this out…
Why A Little Fear Is A Good Thing – Fear And Motivation In Dating
Hello ladies, I hope you have all had a great week.
Today we are going to be talking about fear. Fear of talking to him, fear of going on a date, fear of losing him. We all feel like this at times! What you may not know is why we feel this fear, and how fear actually affects us physically.
By the end of this article you will know there is a lot more to fear than just those knots and butterflies you feel in your stomach before a first date.
You may also be surprised to discover: a little fear is a good thing when it comes to hooking your man.
It’s 7.45pm on a Saturday night and you’re waiting to be picked up by your date. You’ve checked your hair 100 times. Your heart is thudding in your chest. The pessimistic voice in your head is screaming;
“What if we have nothing in common?” “What if we have nothing to talk about?” “What if he doesn’t like me?”
What are you feeling? Fear.
This is a perfectly natural response. Why?
Benefit #1: Fear is a form of self-protection.
Being nervous before a date means that your mind is recognising that this is a potentially dangerous situation.
You like this man, but you do not yet know him well or whether he can be trusted. Therefore, there is the possibility of being hurt or rejected.
Try to think of this as a good thing – you are more prepared for the worst if it does happen.
Let’s allow ourselves time to think of what the worst possible outcome of a date could be. Perhaps you could get showed up, your date could walk out on you, or he could never call again.
But let’s try to think rationally – if this was the situation, would this man really be worth your time? Would he have made a good partner?
Although rejection always hurts, try to think of the worst in a positive light: you will not have to waste any more time on someone who is not right for you, and you will have new opportunities to meet someone who is.
Once you have faced the possibility of the worst, you will be amazed how much calmer and in control you will feel.
Now allow yourself to think about just how amazingly your date could go!
Going into a date with this mindset will leave you well prepared to relax and enjoy hopefully a great night out with a great guy, and the resilience to move forward if things don’t work out.
And remember, your date will be just as nervous as you are.
Benefit #2: Fear enhances your natural beauty.
When we are feeling nervous, we tend to focus on all the negatives:
“My hands are shaking. My heart’s jumping out of my chest. I must look like a total mess!”
Ever felt like this? I know I have!
But what you may not know is that when we become a little nervous on our date, a set of responses in our bodies are triggered: all which are designed to make us MORE APPEALING to the opposite sex.
You feel your heart beating faster, and worry that he must be able to hear the thudding. What he sees is your natural blush and sexy full lips that are brought on by the increased blood flow.
You feel short of breath and imagine you must look like a panting dog. What he sees is your parted lips. What he hears is that slight note of husky breathlessness to your voice.
You feel like your mouth must be hanging open every time you meet his gaze. What he sees are your irresistibly dark and gorgeous eyes, enhanced by your dilated pupils.
Whether it is the fear or your attraction to your man which causes your pupils to dilate, larger pupils are well known to enhance a person’s visual beauty.
And as if you hadn’t disarmed him enough already, a little fear also puts your mind on full alert, giving you that quick wit in conversation.
Wow… did he just drool?
Benefit #3: Fear will help you gauge whether you are into him.
One of the great things about a little fear is that it lets you know if you are into actually interested in someone.
Have you ever been out with a man and not felt any tingles or excitement? This is a sure sign you’re not really attracted to him – no matter what a nice guy he may be.
Being nervous means that you care – the perfect guy for you should get your heart racing!
Although sexual attraction is by no means the only bond you need to start a relationship with your man, this is still a key element.
Chemistry is something you either have or you don’t – this is not something you can force to grow. As long as you know the sparks are flying, you can then concentrate on building connections of the mind and heart.
So listen to how your body is feeling, and use the fear to your advantage.
A little fear is a good thing… a lot of fear is not
We’ve now learned about some of the great things that fear can do for us: activate our self-protection mode, enhance our appearance, and let us know whether we are really into a man.
But the saying ‘everything in moderation’ applies here.
While a little fear can act in our best interests, a lot of fear can do the opposite.
Fear becomes a problem when it is ruling you. When the feeling becomes so overwhelming that it causes you to cancel your date at the last minute. To clam up. To act like a completely different person.
If this is the case, you may need some time for yourself before you are ready to go on that date. If your fear comes from suffering a traumatic relationship in the past, it may be a good idea to talk to a professional.
They will be able to help you to cope with your feelings, develop resilience and build a more positive self-image. So that you are ready to move forward and be loved by a man you deserve.
Remember, a man can only love a woman who loves herself.
Go for it ladies – embrace the fear and win the heart of that man you deserve.
For all of you who have felt the fear lately – I hope you have found this article helpful! Please feel free to comment and share your own experiences below.
Also, if you want genuine men and not just any man, let us challenge your beliefs about love and attraction, and show you the way to become a seduction success story, check this out…
No games. No scripted lines. Real life dating advice for real women!