By Slade Shaw
Author of Why Men Pull Away
Learn exactly what pushes men to leave…and how to NEVER feel abandoned or rejected
When Your Relationship Isn’t Quite Perfect
I get a lot of emails from women wondering if they should leave their relationship because things aren’t perfect.
There’s nothing really WRONG with the relationship per se, aside from a sense that there might be something better out there.
I spend a lot of time helping them to get realistic about what relationships are all about. Here’s the first thing I tell them:
NO relationship is perfect. Not a single one.
In fact, I immediately get suspicious when someone tells me that their relationship is perfect.
Knowing what I do about the relationship life cycle, I can guess with reasonable assurance that the couple is still in their “honeymoon stage.”
They’re infatuated with their idealized vision of one another. They believe that none of the conflicts that happen to other people will happen to them. Unlike OTHER people, THEY will never fall out of love, never argue, never break up, and so forth.
It is a beautiful innocence, but it will eventually end.
When you start a new relationship, it can feel like all the dark burden of the past has been erased. You’re starting over with someone who is NOTHING like your ex. You believe that you have learned your lesson, so you are NOT going to make the same mistakes. This time, you promise yourself, everything is going to go RIGHT.
Except, of course, it doesn’t.
And it won’t. That is simply how relationships work.
Understanding this concept can save so much grief in relationships. You may not believe me, but discovering imperfection in your partner is actually a WONDERFUL thing.
It means he’s REAL.
It means that you see the PERSON beneath the boyfriend … the person he IS rather than the person you want him to be.
So when a relationship isn’t quite perfect, it can mean one of two things:
1. It COULD mean that you’re moving onto the NEXT level in your relationship, where you’re starting to see one another more realistically and are able to evaluate more clearly whether or not the relationship has staying power. This is super news! You should feel happy.
2. It COULD mean that your intuition is telling you that something needs to change. That “something” could be as simple as getting something out into the open, or as big as rethinking your lifestyle.
Whatever you do, don’t freak out when things aren’t perfect. Things aren’t SUPPOSED to be perfect. The only thing you need to worry about is whether you can live with those imperfections.
Here are a few tips for dealing with that nagging feeling that things aren’t quite right.
TIP #1: DON’T POINT THE FINGER
When you get dissatisfied with a relationship, your immediate instinct might be to blame him or to blame yourself. Maybe you’ve been busy and stressed; maybe he’s said some insensitive things.
But when you blame one another for a less-than-satisfying relationship, you don’t add any positive energy back into the situation. Nothing will get better because you’ve figured out whose fault it is!
TIP #2: DON’T TRY TO READ HIS MIND
You may try to guess what he’s thinking, wanting, or needing. I always strongly counsel against trying to read your partner’s mind. Ask him – DIRECTLY.
TIP #3: TAKE TIME FOR SELF-REFLECTION
Finally, ask yourself, “What needs do I have that aren’t getting fulfilled?” Chances are that you feel something is lacking that you need to feel happy. You know your own needs better than anyone.
That’s the fantastic thing about feeling that a relationship isn’t quite perfect: it’s a WAKE-UP CALL.
It is telling you to be honest with yourself, and it can spur honest and fruitful communication between the two of you that would have never happened otherwise.
If you can take positive action, you’ll grow through this experience into a richer and more satisfying relationship … OR take the steps to end an unhealthy situation.
But if you get caught up in blame or feeling depressed, you’ll find that your relationships always seem to take a nose dive at the first sign of imperfection.
You have the power to change a less-than-perfect relationship into something that fulfils you or to leave it. Never forget it.
If you’re ready to take the plunge and learn why men pull away – Click here to watch my free video presentation…