By Claire Casey
Author of Language of Desire
Does He Really Love You Or Is He Just USING YOU? Watch this special video now to finally find out the TRUTH.
Can I Keep Seeing Him, and Also Date Others?
You are dating a great guy, and you want to keep him. The only problem is that you aren’t sure whether now is the time to commit… How do you make your decision?
I’m in my 60s and single. I was married for 30 years. I got my life back 2 years ago when I met a wonderful man my age who has never been married.
We love each other, but not sure if our partnership is sustainable. He wants to spend more time with me than I with him.
I have a busy life: friends, home, interesting work.
He’s more a loner, but wealthy and can afford a lifestyle of comfort and travel.
I’m like an adolescent who just got her life back. I’d like more time to explore Me.
If I get back on-line to see how I interact with other men, so will he, look at other women.
He’s my first intimate relationship since my long-term marriage with kids. I don’t want to lose him to another female, but I’m not ready to settle down.
He doesn’t want a friend, but a romantic partner. Advice?
Hi, Margaret, thanks for your email.
You have asked two good questions, and you definitely aren’t the first woman facing a decision like this…
“We love each other. Is our relationship sustainable?”
The “No” Answer:
IF he has asked you to commit to dating ONLY him and you still want to date other men, then no, your relationship is not sustainable.
You didn’t exactly say he had asked for an exclusive relationship (to date only him), so I’m guessing here.
But it sounds you’d like to date other men, but not have him date other women (and potentially find someone else), which you already know isn’t fair or appropriate.
The “Yes” Answer:
IF he has NOT asked you to date only him, and he’s fine with you dating other men, then yes, your relationship is sustainable.
But if you’re actually asking THIS question, then…
If your actual question is “Can the two of us make a relationship work,” well of course you can!
You’re both smart, and though he’s never been married, you have plenty of experience in building a long-term love relationship, and when two people put their heads and hearts together and determine to love each other for the long term then hell, yeah and woo-hoo!
But it may not be sustainable in its current state (with you dating other men). But there’s a good way to find out.
Here’s what you need to do…
Two Critical Factors Which May Help You BOTH Make a Decision
Critical Factor Number 1:
You need to make a decision about what is more important to you — dating around, or having a committed relationship.
Both are perfectly acceptable! But you can’t have both at the same time.
Critical Factor Number 2:
If you decide you want to keep dating other men, then you can make things clearer for both of you and POSSIBLY manage to KEEP HIM by deciding how LONG you want to date others.
Do you envision living this way for the next three months? The next year? Two years?
Or do you feel (right now, anyway) that you really don’t want to enter an exclusive relationship ever again?
Legit questions, and if you can answer them clearly, and then communicate that with him, you’re giving him a timeline that maybe (and it’s a big maybe) he might be okay with.
In other words, you’re letting him have all the information to make his own decision. Which is a beautiful thing. You’re both adults, and who knows… Maybe he’ll wait for you.