From: Slade Shaw
(Author of Why Men Pull Away)
My friend Kat was seconds away from getting dumped.
She knew her man had been distant lately, but had no idea the bombshell he was about to drop…
Leaving her alone again, depressed and confused…
...Wondering if she’d ever find a secure, loving relationship.
But the 3 seemingly harmless questions she asked him next, changed everything about the way he saw her...
...And how he felt about her.
Pulling him back from making the biggest mistake of both of their lives.
Hi, I’m Slade Shaw, the creator of 3 bestselling programs on dating and relationships.
And right now, I’m going to share with you the messed-up reason men pull away...
...And the ‘harmless questions’ you can ask any man that will lead to overwhelming feelings of love and devotion for you…
Pushing any thoughts about ‘other women’ out of his mind…
And giving him absolute certainty that you are the only woman he wants to be with…
Now and forever.
And I know this all might sound crazy to you right now, just as it did to the hundreds of women I’ve shared these questions with over the past 10 months…
But these ‘harmless questions’ have a powerful effect over a man…
Without him realizing what’s happening they force him to reveal what he’s REALLY thinking...
...And how he really feels about you even if he’s always been closed off…
Even if he says he’s not ready for a relationship. And even if he seems like the world’s worst
communicator.
You see, these ‘harmless questions’ not only give you access to a man’s TRUE REASONS for pulling away…
They also change how he feels about you by triggering powerful emotions which make him
suddenly and intensely aware of the rare connection the two of you have…
And how precious you are to him, giving him a desperate urgency to lock you down and prove his love for you.
Now I need to warn you, these ‘harmless questions’ aren’t about:
So if you’re thinking of having “a talk” with him about what’s going on in his head, or where he sees your relationship is going…DON’T.
Not until you read this page...Because most of the questions women ask men when they’re feeling unsure about thing BACKFIRE.
They make him feel like you’re PRESSURING him (even if that’s not your intention).
Which is the surest way to turn “pulling away” into “running away”… Fast.
Instead, you need to ask him these harmless INDIRECT questions, which get him to reveal his hand without him realizing he’s doing it…
So you can find out exactly what he’s thinking and feeling without triggering his “flight response”.
Now, I’m going to share the ‘harmless questions’ that trick a man into revealing his true feelings in just a moment…
And how you can use his answers to turn his feelings around bringing out the loyal, devoted,
attentive guy that’s been inside him all along.
But first, you need to know where these questions came from...
And the disturbing discovery about the male brain any woman can use to get control of her love life.
It started with my best friend Kat…
When she first started dating Jack she was on cloud 9
“It’s refreshing to meet a guy who knows what he wants” she told me.
“...Who isn’t afraid to let me know how much I mean to him and who tells me again and again how lucky he is to be with me...
...I’ve never felt safer with a guy it’s an amazing feeling"
I was so happy for her. So when she called me just a few weeks later I was surprised to hear things had changed...
"A couple of days after I talked to you last, he called me up and broke it off…" she said.
"I can’t believe what he said…He told me, and this is a direct quote:
'I just feel like there isn't really a spark between us...and I need that'
...You know how hard it was to hear that?
Anyway… I tried to suck it up. I told him it was fine but obviously I’d need some space… So I managed to salvage some dignity.
...But Slade…” she went on. “I did something really stupid…
At first I was really good. I unfriended him on Facebook and unfollowed him on Instagram…
And for 2 weeks I didn’t check his social media…
I didn’t ask any of our mutual friends about him…
And I tried my hardest to focus on work, going to the gym and hanging out with friends. But one night last week I got home after a long day at work, I was all by myself in my apartment.
And I just felt so… lonely and sad…I missed him.
And I wondered if he missed me too. I wanted to know he thought about me and I guess I was
hoping he missed me too.
So…I decided to check his Facebook. Just to see what he’d been up to..."
“Oh no, Kat… “ I said “what happened?”
“I looked up his profile and in his picture he had his arm around this beautiful blonde girl who was kissing him on the cheek.
I mean the girl was stunning…
I scrolled down and saw the words: Ryan is in a relationship with Megan.
What. The Hell....
We’d only been broken up for THREE WEEKS!!!
I clicked over to this Megan’s profile and looked through her pictures. He’d liked or commented on almost every one…
Lots of winks, and smileys and kissy faces…
He called her “sweetie” and “muffin”…
Under one he wrote “How lucky am I to be with this amazing woman?” Under another she’d written “Looking gorgeous honey… can’t wait for this weekend ;)”
It felt unreal… Like I was watching a movie of my worst nightmare
And all the while his words rang through my head “We just don’t have a spark”.
And…Something awful happened.
I went to click to the next picture…And I accidentally hit the “like button”.
I knew even if I clicked “unlike” he’d still get a notification. I panicked. I figured since I couldn’t take that ‘like’ back I might as well pretend I’d done it on purpose.
So I commented on the photo:
“Looking good Jack! Cute dog ;)”...I hit enter. I don’t know what came over me. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but after about a minute, I started to regret it…
I felt humiliated…And pathetic.
I knew anything I did now would just make it worse…
Slade…I’ve been having a really rough time since then.
I can’t stop picturing Jack and his new girlfriend laughing about it. They must see me as some sort of psycho…
And I keep asking myself again and again…And - I know it sounds cliché…
But what the heck does this girl have that I don’t?!?!
He said we didn’t have a ‘spark’...But I felt a spark. And I KNOW at the beginning he felt it too…
So why did he stop feeling it?
What did I do wrong…Why do I keep repelling the men I’m into?
I know it’s too late with Jack. He’s already moved on…But I need to make sure this never happens again with any other guy...
There has to be a way to break the cycle…
You give dating advice Slade…You know how men think."
"I’ll do anything to make sure this doesn’t happen again... Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it"
I didn’t know what to tell her…
After all, I’d acted with other women exactly the way Jack acted with Kat. So I know the panicky,
suffocated feeling he must’ve had…
But I had no idea WHY I felt like that, and what the woman could’ve done to stop it.
That night, I couldn’t sleep. I lay awake thinking about Kat. As a men’s dating coach, I’d
helped hundreds of guys overcome their insecurities…
And learned how attraction works…So they could get into great relationships.
But what about Kat and the thousands of women just like her? Women who watched the men in their lives pull away…And were powerless to stop it?
Didn’t they deserve those same feelings of confidence and control over their dating lives I’d been giving to men for the past 3 years?
That night, I made up my mind. I wanted to help women just as much as men…
I was going to start by figuring out exactly why men pull away and what women can do to stop it
So women could enjoy happy, healthy, secure relationships…
And be free of the pain of watching the men they love slip away before their eyes…
As I lay in bed, the sky was already getting light and sleep was nowhere in sight. I sat up and grabbed my laptop…
I decided to go to the source.
From my men’s programs, I had an email list of over 20,000 guys… Guys who were grateful to me for helping them and would be happy to help me out.
I wrote a survey asking 36 questions to really get to the bottom of why men pull away, and what women could do about it.
I wanted to know:
-
Why these men felt compelled to pull away from certain women
-
If they’d ever had a change of heart and gone running back to those same women…
-
And if so, what these women had done to change how they felt
I sent the survey out with a quick note asking every man on my 21,385 person list to fill it out as a personal favor to me.
I closed my laptop, rolled over, and went to sleep…
When I woke up just before noon, I’d already received 1318 replies. By 6pm, that number was closer to 7,000…
And by the next morning, I had 8,718 replies.
Three days later, I’d received more than 10,000 responses from men telling me EXACTLY why they’d pulled away, and what made them coming running back…
I created a spreadsheet to keep track of all the responses and to see what patterns emerged, and dove headfirst into their responses…
And the more I read, the clearer the patterns became…
By the time I finished going through everything more than a week later I’d made some important discoveries about what makes men pull away
...And what a woman can do to turn his feelings around, and make put him back in “pursuit mode” with her...
Now I want you to pay close attention to this next part - particularly to discovery #3…
Because it’s the third discovery that is the key to making any man feel intensely bonded to you with a few simple questions.
Discovery #1: What makes a MAN “all-in” in a relationship is very different from what makes a woman “all-in”
For women, committing more deeply to a man is a natural extension of enjoying his company, sharing common values, and having sexual chemistry…
That’s because women’s brains are wired to release bonding hormones when they’re with a man they’re attracted to… And especially when they’re having sex with him.
But men don’t have this same mechanism in their brain…
So a man doesn’t automatically want to commit to a woman just because he likes spending time with her, is attracted to her, and is sleeping with her.
No matter how well things are going, a man needs something else…
Something which taps into his male bonding instincts and pushes him over the edge from enjoying your company to seeing you as the ONLY woman for him.
Without this “missing ingredient”, even if your man OUTWARDLY commits to you with his words and actions, in his mind, he’s not really committed…Even if he wants to be.
That primal part of his brain is always on the lookout for someone else to come along…
Who can satisfy that deep desire he has for “the one”? What is this “missing ingredient” a man needs to commit to a woman with his whole heart?
That brings me to...
Discovery #2: The Dream Girl Factor
Every man has what I call a “dream girl profile”.
It’s a sort of ‘inner checklist’ of qualities he needs in a life partner…
These qualities have very little to do with how you look or anything physical, and your average man can’t even SAY what these qualities are.
All he know is, he either FEELS it, or he DOESN’T. When a guy meets a woman who fits his DREAM GIRL profile, he goes through a remarkable transformation.
All of a sudden, his priorities shift… It’s like his “hunter” instincts switch off, and his “provider” instincts kick in.
— He focuses completely on taking care of you…
— He does everything he can to make you feel loved and secure…
— And he wants to leave no doubt in your mind that you’re the one for him…
That’s why men who always seemed cold and distant will suddenly buy their woman flowers…
Leave sweet little notes for her…
And become over-the-top romantic.
When a man’s with a woman who DOESN’T have one or more of his DREAM GIRL FACTORS…He usually can’t put his finger on what’s wrong.
He just feels a sense of dissatisfaction.
Some men describe it as feeling suffocated or smothered, and everything in his brain cries out to get space from her.
When a man pulls away it means he fears you’re missing one of the crucial “Dream Girl FACTORS” he needs to feel 100% committed and devoted to you…
So if you want to flip the switch in a man’s brain that brings out his inner romantic and makes you the object of all his desire…
You FIRST need to figure out what HIS dream girl is like…
Discovery #3: His Dream Girl “JUST KNOWS”
Imagine this:
You’re out on a first date with a guy, and things are going ok…You kind of like him, but you’re not 100% sold yet.
Suddenly, he looks up at you and asks: “Would it be ok if I kissed you now?”
If you’re like most women, any attraction you might have had for him just plummeted. The guy who needs to ask whether he can kiss you or not isn’t the guy you dream about.
It’s similar for men…
A guy doesn’t want a girl who has to ask how she should treat him. He wants her to JUST KNOW.
Asking him:
— What he wants in a woman…
— If he’s happy with your relationship
— If there’s something he wants you to do differently…
Not only makes him feel cornered and pressured but shows him that you don’t “get him” the way he needs his dream girl to.
Dream Girls know how to read a man’s true reasons for pulling away…
And simply give him what he needs at exactly the right time in exactly the right way even if HE doesn’t know what that need is.
These 3 discoveries went a long way towards explaining why men pull away…
It’s because he fears you’re missing one or more of his dream girl factors. But there was still
something missing:
If a woman can’t just ASK her guy what his Dream Girl Factors are… How the heck is she supposed to find out?!
I obsessed over this question for weeks…
Turning it over and over in my mind and brainstorming possible solutions. I was discussing it with Kat and she said something I’ll never forget.
Out of total frustration, she said: "It’s like men expect women to be mind-readers".
That one sentence gave me an idea…
I knew that some stage magicians use ‘mind-reading’ techniques to figure things out about their audience members…
Psychics use the same techniques to tell their clients things about themselves they couldn’t possible know…
It’s called the art of “mentalism” and it’s been practiced for years even the FBI and CIA use
mentalism techniques in interrogation to get information their subjects don’t want to give up.
I did some research into mentalism techniques and found that there’s nothing ‘magic’ about them at all.
Mentalism is just a set of psychological tools anyone can use to get information from someone who doesn’t want to give it away…
I was reading a Chapter about “The Power of Questions” and discovered 2 important things:
Questions Discovery #1: When you ask a question about ONE
aspect of someone’s life, they’ll give you clues about OTHER aspects of their life
For example, you could ask a guy about a dream he has for the future.
If he says he’s always wanted to learn to fly a plane you know he values freedom and excitement…
If he says he’d love to build a cabin in the woods and eat only food he’s grown in his garden you’d know he values independence but also nesting and making a home.
If you just ask the right questions, a guy will ‘accidentally’ reveal everything you need to know about his dream girl profile.
But the 2nd discovery about questions got me really excited…
Questions Discovery #2: Asking questions is a powerful way to communicate something about YOU
I’ll show you what I mean…
Imagine you just met a guy and wanted him to know you’re not needy.
You could tell him “I’m not needy…”
OR… you could ASK him: “You don’t get needy do you?”
Which of these 2 approaches communicates non-neediness more? If you just tell him “I’m not needy”, inside his head he’s going to think “yeah right”…
But if you ask HIM if HE’S needy he’ll assume YOU’RE not needy…
The question communicates something powerful about you that flies right underneath his radar.
Armed with these 2 discoveries I created a series of questions a woman could ask that would:
a) Get her man to reveal what’s really going on his mind, and
b) Communicate whatever “dream girl” qualities a woman wanted to communicate…
I called them “harmless questions” because they come across totally harmless and in-nocent to the guy you use them on so he never feels pressured or spooked in any way…
To test these ‘harmless questions’ in the real world I put an ad on Craigslist for local women who noticed their men pulling away.
From the responses, I selected 9 women to work with. The deal was, I’d work with them for free, one-on-one and in exchange they agreed to do a weekly call with me so I could see what was
working, what could be improved, and refine the techniques.
I worked with Carmen who texted one of these questions to a guy she’d slept with once only to have him stop returning her texts.
He responded right away…
And during a short text exchange where she asked him
2 more harmless questions...
HE asked HER for “one more chance"
I taught them to Amy, who used them on her husband over dinner one night…
He’d been spending more and more time at work and treating their marriage like an afterthought.
She went to bed unsure if the questions had worked…
But the next day, he surprised her by booking a vacation for the two of them to Venice, something she’d been wanting to do for years…
He said “sorry I haven’t been as present as you need me to be… From here on out, all that changes”..
Angela used the harmless questions on a guy she’d gone on 2 dates with “just to see what would happen”…
She wasn’t sure if he really liked her before, but the questions had him practically stalking her for weeks.
These ‘harmless questions’ tell you exactly what “dream girl factors” are missing that are making him retreat…
And then communicate that you HAVE these qualities in a way that he automatically believes.
They capitalize on his “Dreamgirl” response to send a flood of bonding hormones through his brain so he feels more connected and attached to you than he ever has to a woman in his life…
Because he can rest assured that he’s found the rare woman who “gets him” completely.
It was my last session with Angela and she said…
"There are so many amazing women out there who will come so close to finding their little piece of happiness like I have.
But just because they don’t know some simple things about how men work, and what to say to trigger that deep bond of love in him…
...Many of them will end up alone, or worse, settling for a man who isn’t really “invested” in the relationship and doesn’t really give her what she needs…"
I assured her I’d started taking on female clients. In fact, now that word was out about the harmless questions I barely had time in my schedule to keep up with demand…
“That’s a great start” she said…"But what about the other women?"
"What about the women who can’t afford your $300 an hour one-on-one fee?
What about the thousands and thousands of women who are suffering through the pain of watching their men pull away?"
She was right. I had a new problem.
I was spending more time with my clients than I thought was good for me and was starting to get burned out…
“Well” she suggested “What if you took those harmless questions and everything you’re showing your clients and packaged it as an online course…
...That way you could reach women all over the world and you wouldn’t have to in-crease your hours”
I wasn’t sure…I’d created online programs for men before and they’d been very successful.
...And they took a lot out of me. Basically I had to disappear for a couple of months to create it and right now I was happy to be working with women one-on-one.
“I understand that” Angela said…
“But think about the women you’d be helping. What’s a couple of months of your time to end the heartbreak and misery of thousands and thousands of women?"
I tried to argue back but deep down I knew she was right. This was something I had to do…
I stopped taking on new clients and spent my weekend working on the new program.
It took me over 3 months but by the end I had a complete system that any woman could access from
her computer
...Without me having to sit down with her one-on-one.
This system not only went into the harmless questions but the deep psychology of men and the many, often counter-intuitive reasons they pulled away…
And the different strategies women needed to gain control over their love lives again.
It’s been a long road but now I’m happy to present my first ever online course for women called:
