{"id":325,"date":"2013-06-27T05:14:31","date_gmt":"2013-06-27T05:14:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/?p=325"},"modified":"2018-05-28T09:28:37","modified_gmt":"2018-05-28T09:28:37","slug":"what-we-really-want-from-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/what-we-really-want-from-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"What We Really Want From Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Slade Shaw
\nAuthor of Why Men Pull Away<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

Learn exactly what pushes men to leave…and how to NEVER feel abandoned or rejected<\/p>\n

Why Men Pull Away\u2026and What Makes Them STAY In Love<\/strong><\/a><\/h2>\n

What We Really Want From Relationships<\/h2>\n

Every day, hundreds of thousands of people enter the search term \u201clove\u201d into their search engine. They\u2019re looking for love poems, love quotes, love horoscopes, love letters. They\u2019re looking for true love, young love, first love, to find love, and to find out what love is.<\/p>\n

Do they discover what they\u2019re looking for?<\/p>\n

We’re ALL looking for love … in one form or another. Whether we realize it or not, we spend most of our lives yearning to be loved enough.<\/p>\n

And getting it is never as simple as we think.<\/p>\n

Money Can\u2019t Buy Love<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Even though love is commercialized all around us \u2013 candy hearts at Valentine\u2019s Day, soft teddy bears in hospital gift shops hugging plush hearts, heart designs on underwear and Hallmark cards and paper coffee cups \u2013 we\u2019re still missing it in our lives.<\/p>\n

We can buy a heart-shaped balloon, tie it to a heart-shaped paperweight and place it on our desks to look at every day … but those symbols of love, on their own, can\u2019t make us feel loved.<\/p>\n

Things don\u2019t make us feel loved. People do.<\/p>\n

We forget that sometimes. In our everyday language, love is something we \u201cget\u201d or \u201cearn\u201d or \u201cwin.\u201d Love may be as intangible as happiness, but that doesn\u2019t keep businesses from trying to sell it to us.<\/p>\n

Wear this brand, drink this beverage, or drive that car, and you\u2019ll be surrounded by admiring members of the opposite sex. It\u2019s a comforting message. If love is a commodity, then at least it is within our grasp.<\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t have the money to head out shopping for love, all you have to do is boot up your computer. The internet is the newest frontier of our search for love.<\/p>\n

Online dating sites and chat rooms open up a sea of potential mates. We\u2019re no longer bound by the geographical constraints of proximity. We can fall in love and court our beloved through the LED glow of our computer screens.<\/p>\n

Love letters scroll in cascading blocks of texts. Digital photographs smile at us from the screen. We stroke each hard plastic key with a lover\u2019s touch.<\/p>\n

But the moment we shut down the computer, our beloved is lost to us. Our love affair has been with a computer rather than a living, breathing, infinitely responsive human being.<\/p>\n

For some, it\u2019s easier that way. Love is such a complicated, messy thing. When another person is standing in front of you, no holds are barred.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s no time to muse over what you want to say before saying it. Once the words are out of your mouth, you can\u2019t just press the \u201cDelete\u201d button. Your beloved will see you when you\u2019ve just woken up or when you\u2019re frowning or bleary-eyed, not just when you\u2019re at your photogenic best.<\/p>\n

No wonder some of us prefer to keep our relationships online. They\u2019re safer that way.<\/p>\n

What We Really Want<\/strong><\/h3>\n

If all we really wanted was attention, attraction, and affection from the opposite sex, then having a satisfying love life would be a piece of cake.<\/p>\n

But love is not just a chemical reaction that makes you feel good in the same way that drinking or a sweaty workout or a payrise makes you feel good. There\u2019s more than the pleasure principle at work here.<\/p>\n

Nor is wanting a mate simply a societal goal that you\u2019ve been programmed to have. As Harville Hendrix points out, marriage is no longer a necessary institution in the 21 st century.<\/p>\n

We can live perfectly happy, fulfilling lives as singletons and enjoy multiple lovers without ever putting on a ring. Monogamy is optional.<\/p>\n

Yet the majority of men and women still overwhelmingly choose to live in intimate relationship with a single member of the opposite sex. 94% of men and women will marry in their lifetime.<\/p>\n

Even when we have the option to cohabitate, most of us still choose to wed. That\u2019s why I believe there is more than social programming at work.<\/p>\n

Love is not an option. It is a fundamental part of who we are as human beings. I am convinced that someday doctors will emphasize the role of intimate relationship in the same breath as nutrition and exercise when it comes to good health.<\/p>\n

Without intimate social connections, we wither spiritually, emotionally, and physically. The Pfizer Institute tells us that without close, loving relationships, we have a greater risk of disease and depression, we die younger, and we generate less wealth.<\/p>\n

Love matters. It\u2019s not something we can do without.<\/p>\n

But what is that ineffable feeling we\u2019re after? When we say that we want “love” in our lives, what is it that we really want?<\/p>\n

What we want in a loving relationship goes beyond pleasure. It goes beyond societal approval. It even goes beyond wanting someone to grow old with.<\/p>\n

From my research, I\u2019ve concluded that what we want in a loving relationship \u2013 and what we cannot get anywhere else \u2013 is (1) to be known by another person so intimately and completely that we have nothing we need to hide, and (2) to feel their love and acceptance no matter what.<\/p>\n

Wouldn\u2019t that be simply amazing? To know that another person has seen every side of you \u2013 when you\u2019re naked and vulnerable when you\u2019re upset and crying, when you\u2019re angry and irrational \u2013 and loves you anyway?<\/p>\n

To watch their face as they greet you when you\u2019ve just woken up in the morning, or when you\u2019re sick and puffy-faced, or when you\u2019re feeling fat and ugly and just plain gross \u2026 and see a warm smile spread over their features, and the angel they see in you as reflected in their eyes?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s the kind of unconditional, committed love that, if you were lucky, you experienced as a child.<\/p>\n

Hopefully, you knew back then that no matter what you did or what mistakes you made, your parents would love you anyway. You knew that even when you grew up and left home and were no longer part of their daily lives, they\u2019d still love you just as much.<\/p>\n

In an age when images of perfection bombard us from all directions when competition is fierce for contracts, careers and connections, it\u2019s nice to know that there is one place in your life where you don\u2019t have to compete.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s nice to know that there is one place where you don\u2019t get marked down if you don\u2019t measure up.<\/p>\n

We all need to experience that warm, fuzzy kind of love that makes us feel safe, cherished, and serene.<\/p>\n

But you can\u2019t get that kind of love by buying the latest beauty product to make you desirable to men. Your looks won\u2019t last.<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t get that kind of love by hiding aspects of yourself that may be off-putting to your partner or keeping parts of your life hidden so that you remain \u201cmysterious.\u201d The minute he sees the \u201creal you,\u201d he\u2019ll be gone.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s face it: there are a lot of reasons for a man to judge you and find you lacking. Maybe you have a few extra pounds. Maybe you have a secret passion for John Travolta. Maybe your underwear drawer resembles your granny\u2019s.<\/p>\n

All of us have aspects of ourselves that we\u2019re ashamed or embarrassed of. We fear that if a man finds out about them, he\u2019ll be repulsed.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why the initial stage of attraction is so much easier than building a committed relationship.<\/p>\n

We can all put our smiley faces on and go out and have a good time for a few hours, especially after we\u2019ve spent hours running between the bedroom and the bathroom to select the perfect outfit and finish our hair and makeup.<\/p>\n

A sexy appearance masks your flaws \u2013 real or imagined \u2013 and emboldens your inner flirt.<\/p>\n

Attracting a man is easy. Attracting love is not.<\/p>\n

How To Attract the Opposite Sex<\/strong><\/h3>\n

We all have a lot of ideas fed to us by the media and popular culture about what attracts men. Science has even come up with a list of characteristics that men are biologically programmed to find attractive. Here are just a few.<\/p>\n