{"id":314,"date":"2013-06-11T05:29:33","date_gmt":"2013-06-11T05:29:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/?p=314"},"modified":"2018-05-28T01:32:13","modified_gmt":"2018-05-28T01:32:13","slug":"should-you-settle-for-less","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/should-you-settle-for-less\/","title":{"rendered":"Should You Settle For Less?"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Slade Shaw
\nAuthor of Why Men Pull Away<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

Learn exactly what pushes men to leave…and how to NEVER feel abandoned or rejected<\/p>\n

Why Men Pull Away\u2026and What Makes Them STAY In Love<\/strong><\/a><\/h2>\n

Should You Settle For Less?<\/h2>\n

Have you ever wondered if you should settle for\u00a0“Mr. Good Enough”? <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

If you’re anything like me, you’ve met a dozen\u00a0and a half men who COULD be great\u00a0boyfriends, husbands, fathers, of your future\u00a0children … but for whatever reason, you just\u00a0couldn’t take that next step with them.<\/p>\n

So many of us find ourselves stuck between a\u00a0rock and a hard place: we deeply want a\u00a0relationship, but not with any of the men we’re\u00a0currently dating!<\/p>\n

Have YOU ever felt pressured to settle for a\u00a0guy you weren’t particularly into, simply because\u00a0you didn’t want to be single?<\/p>\n

Read on and discover why “settling” has its advantages\u00a0as well as disadvantages, and you’ll be able to\u00a0make up your own mind as to whether you should stick\u00a0with Mr. “Good Enough.”<\/p>\n

First of all, let’s talk about the kind of guy\u00a0many of us are dating: Mr. Good-But-Not-Great.<\/p>\n

Mr. Good-But-Not-Great would be a catch by\u00a0anyone’s standards.\u00a0 He’s got his life sorted, has\u00a0a financial plan for his retirement, and treats us\u00a0with loving respect and admiration.<\/p>\n

He cares a lot about us, and he shows it in small ways.\u00a0He invites us to family gatherings, makes an effort\u00a0with our friends, and would rather be crashed on\u00a0our sofa watching movies than out carousing with\u00a0his buddies.<\/p>\n

Our mothers love him, all our friends are asking why\u00a0we’re not married yet, and yet there’s a tiny voice\u00a0shouting to be heard over all the congratulations, telling\u00a0us to…<\/p>\n

“RUN AWAY!” <\/em><\/p>\n

Ever heard that voice yourself? <\/strong><\/h3>\n

In my twenties, I heard it all the time.\u00a0 I\u00a0wanted NOTHING so much than a boyfriend, but I was\u00a0caught in a Catch-22.\u00a0 There were young men\u00a0aplenty who had dreamy eyes for me, but none of\u00a0them spurred a single iota of romantic excitement\u00a0in me.<\/p>\n

In fact, every time one of them “casually”\u00a0stopped by to have a chat, the undercurrent of\u00a0yearning in their voices made me feel the exact\u00a0opposite emotion: I wanted to run away!<\/p>\n

For a long time, I thought there was something\u00a0wrong with me.\u00a0 Was I just too picky?\u00a0 Maybe I\u00a0just needed to give these young men a chance.<\/p>\n

So I said yes to a few of them.\u00a0 One tedious\u00a0date after another confirmed my suspicions: it was\u00a0better to stay home than go out with someone who’s\u00a0head-over-heels in love with you when you’re not\u00a0even remotely interested.<\/p>\n

I’ve since discovered that my experience was\u00a0quite normal.\u00a0 I get emails all the time from\u00a0women who say that they’d LOVE to meet someone to\u00a0have a relationship with.\u00a0 Unfortunately, they\u00a0can’t seem to meet anyone who quite spins their\u00a0wheels.<\/p>\n

Some of these women believe that there’s\u00a0something wrong with THEM for not feeling\u00a0attracted to the single-and-available men they\u00a0meet.\u00a0 They wonder if they’re too picky, or if\u00a0they’re just over the singles scene, or if they’re\u00a0“meant” to be single forever.<\/p>\n

Other women believe that it’s the MEN’S fault.\u00a0They think that the men they meet are too dull,\u00a0too immature, or too self-absorbed.<\/p>\n

But no matter WHOSE fault it is, the end result\u00a0is the same.\u00a0 Those of us who desire nothing more\u00a0than a loving, committed relationship are caught\u00a0between a rock and a hard place…<\/p>\n

…EITHER we settle for someone we’re not really\u00a0into, OR we stay single.
\n
\n<\/strong><\/em>So should you settle for Mr. Good-But-Not-Great?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Author Lori Gottlieb of TheAtlantic.com says\u00a0you should.\u00a0 In her article “Marry Him! The case\u00a0for settling for Mr. Good Enough” (Atlantic\u00a0Monthly, March 2008)<\/em>, she argues that you should\u00a0put marriage before love.<\/p>\n

Her thinking goes like this.\u00a0 Many modern women\u00a0believe that they shouldn’t settle for anything\u00a0less than their soulmate, but, as they hit their\u00a0thirties and start seeing their fertile years\u00a0wane, they start to panic.<\/p>\n

They start to realize that if they want to have a family,\u00a0they’ll either have to do it themselves as single moms, or\u00a0they’ll have to say yes to the next acceptable man\u00a0who proposes.<\/p>\n

According to Gottlieb, there’s nothing wrong at\u00a0all with the latter option!<\/p>\n

She believes that a lot more men are suitable\u00a0husbands than we think.\u00a0 She says, “Marriage isn’t\u00a0a passion-fest; it’s more like a partnership\u00a0formed to run a very small, mundane, and often\u00a0boring nonprofit business.”<\/em><\/p>\n

So, even if we DON’T feel that spark or overwhelming\u00a0romantic infatuation for someone, it doesn’t mean that he\u00a0wouldn’t make a good husband for us – according to\u00a0Gottlieb.<\/p>\n

I would imagine that proponents of arranged\u00a0marriages would agree.\u00a0 I’ve always been amazed at\u00a0the number of women who were unable to select\u00a0their husband, yet found that they could grow to\u00a0love him as deeply as any man they’d selected on\u00a0their own.<\/p>\n

But is that what we REALLY want? <\/strong><\/h3>\n

Do you want to tell your kids, “When I met your\u00a0daddy, I thought he was a nice man.\u00a0 Then I\u00a0married him, and I found out that he was … well,\u00a0even nicer!” <\/em><\/p>\n

I strongly disagree with the advice that you\u00a0should settle for someone who’s “good enough,” and\u00a0I’ll tell you why.<\/p>\n

First of all, I believe that men deserve better\u00a0than a wife who settled for them.\u00a0 When there is\u00a0an imbalance of love in a relationship – when the\u00a0man is completely head-over-heels with his wife,\u00a0and his wife is merely comfortable – it’s visible\u00a0to everyone around them.<\/p>\n

If that women even mentioned just once to one of her\u00a0friends that she felt like she was settling for her husband, it\u00a0would eventually get back to him … and what a slap\u00a0in the face!\u00a0 No man deserves to be in a\u00a0relationship where everyone knows that his wife\u00a0was “settling.”<\/p>\n

Second of all, marriages are tough work.\u00a0They’re not the smooth, tranquil walk in the park\u00a0that Gottlieb paints them as.\u00a0 When you’re\u00a0married, you’re going to come into conflict.<\/p>\n

You’re going to find that your ideas don’t match.\u00a0You’re going to argue and fight.\u00a0 You’re even\u00a0going to wonder if you should separate.<\/p>\n

If you NEVER believed that this man was “The\u00a0One” for you, it will be much easier for you to\u00a0throw up your hands and bid goodbye to the\u00a0relationship.<\/p>\n

Why go through all the pain and struggle of a\u00a0challenging marriage when you always\u00a0felt that you settled for him anyway?<\/p>\n

If, on the other hand, you married him\u00a0believing that this was the one for you in this\u00a0lifetime, then that faith is going to carry you\u00a0through your marital challenges.<\/p>\n

You will still find things difficult, but you’ll\u00a0remember how strongly you believed in this\u00a0relationship and this man.\u00a0 That faith is will help\u00a0you get through and STAY married.<\/p>\n

And there’s something else that Gottlieb hasn’t\u00a0considered.\u00a0 What happens if you settle for a man\u00a0… then end up bumping into Mr. Right years down\u00a0the track?\u00a0 Look at Tori Spelling.<\/p>\n

Meeting “The One” while you’re still married puts you in a\u00a0horrible position: either you’ll have to destroy\u00a0your marriage and hurt your husband for the chance\u00a0at true love, or settle for a lifetime apart from\u00a0your true soulmate.<\/p>\n

Settling for a man that’s not-so-perfect, just\u00a0so that you can have a family and children before\u00a0it’s too late, can open up an ugly and hurtful can\u00a0of worms.<\/p>\n

But does that mean that you should turn up your\u00a0nose at any man who doesn’t seem like a potential\u00a0husband? <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Of course not.<\/p>\n

I am a firm believer in the idea that every\u00a0relationship is in your life for a reason.\u00a0 When\u00a0you’re dating Mr. Good-But-Not-Great, you’re\u00a0learning valuable relationship skills.<\/p>\n

You’re learning how to cope when a relationship isn’t\u00a0satisfying.\u00a0 You’re learning how to deal with an\u00a0imperfect situation.\u00a0 You’re learning to clarify\u00a0your own needs and take a stand.<\/p>\n

So yes, go ahead and date men that you wouldn’t\u00a0marry!<\/p>\n

But just don’t MARRY him.<\/p>\n

Do one thing for me: imagine yourself at your\u00a0golden wedding anniversary.\u00a0 You’re sitting at a\u00a0long table beside your husband and looking proudly\u00a0at all your children and grandchildren.\u00a0 One of\u00a0your grandchildren pipes up: “Grandma!\u00a0 Tell us\u00a0how you and Grandaddy met and fell in love!” <\/em><\/p>\n

What kind of story do you want to tell?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Do you want to tell a story about how your eyes\u00a0locked across a table and you just knew you were\u00a0meant for each other?<\/p>\n

Or do you want to tell a story about what a\u00a0good guy he was and how you decided to get married\u00a0someday because everyone was expecting you to?<\/p>\n

The choice is yours. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Let me know your thoughts and experiences with\u00a0settling or not in the comments below!<\/p>\n

If you’re ready to take the plunge and learn why men pull away – Click here to watch my free video presentation…<\/strong><\/p>\n

Why Men Pull Away\u2026and What Makes Them STAY In Love (VIDEO)<\/strong><\/a><\/h2>\n

\"Why<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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