{"id":1287,"date":"2018-01-22T15:09:01","date_gmt":"2018-01-22T15:09:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/?p=1287"},"modified":"2018-05-26T06:49:18","modified_gmt":"2018-05-26T06:49:18","slug":"how-to-outsmart-he-said-she-said-arguments","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/how-to-outsmart-he-said-she-said-arguments\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Outsmart He-Said-She-Said Arguments"},"content":{"rendered":"

By James Bauer<\/em>
\nAuthor of The Secret Love Instinct<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

What If You Knew What Men Secretly Wanted, but They Could Never Tell You… Don’t Forget To Check Out\u00a0<\/strong><\/em>T<\/em>he Secret Love Instinct<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\n

How to Outsmart He-Said-She-Said Arguments<\/h2>\n

Did you know there\u2019s a hidden danger in trusting your own memory?<\/p>\n

Most of us think of our memory like a personal video recorder. When you remember something, it\u2019s like sitting down in the theater of your own mind and pressing play.<\/p>\n

Except, that\u2019s not how memory works. Research Psychologist Elizabeth Loftus knows first hand.<\/p>\n

When Loftus was 44 years old, her uncle told her that as a child she discovered her mother in the pool after an accidental drowning. Loftus had no memory of seeing her mom\u2019s body, but she trusted her uncle.<\/p>\n

Before long, she started\u00a0remembering<\/em>. She could picture details of the day. How her mom was dressed. Even the lights of the police cars.<\/p>\n

Which is odd because, as it turns out, her uncle was mistaken. Loftus didn\u2019t witness any of it. Instead, her mind created memories to match what her uncle said.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s memory for you. We think of it as an accurate recording, but Loftus is famous for her research that shows how bad eye-witness accounts can be.\u00a0 It turns out, our memories are surprisingly malleable.<\/p>\n

Memories change over time. They morph and combine. Sometimes we add to them. Sometimes we edit details out. Even otherwise honest folks have been known to fabricate entire scenes, believing something happened that never did.<\/p>\n

Okay, so there\u2019s A LOT we could explore here, but let\u2019s narrow our focus. How does this affect your relationship?<\/p>\n

That depends entirely on how much you let it.<\/p>\n

Below are two tips for minimizing the impact of less-than-accurate memories\u2014yours AND his! If you\u2019re tired of he-said-she-said fights, keep reading.<\/p>\n

Live in the now. Especially when things are tense.<\/h3>\n

Any time there\u2019s conflict, it\u2019s extremely tempting to whip out every example you can think of that seems relevant.<\/p>\n

Suppose he says something that hurts your feelings. You could easily launch into a description of another time last week, last month, or last year when he put his foot in his mouth.<\/p>\n

If there\u2019s a negative pattern of behavior, you should definitely talk to him about it. But mid-fight is not the time to do it.<\/p>\n

At those moments, both his memories and yours may not be 100% reliable. Intense emotions tend to change how we remember things.<\/p>\n

Instead, if\/when you and your guy get sideways, stick to THAT conversation. That issue. That disagreement.<\/p>\n

Leave the past in the past.<\/p>\n

When everything\u2019s peachy, it\u2019s good to reminisce, as long as you don\u2019t get hung up on \u201cfacts.\u201d<\/h3>\n

There are obvious benefits to remembering the good times. Who doesn\u2019t enjoy a stroll down memory lane when you\u2019re talking about pleasant things?<\/p>\n

But research shows that couples can also benefit from revisiting hard times. The important part is focusing on past events as shared victories, rather than getting caught up in the facts.<\/p>\n

Say there was a rough patch in your relationship several months back. Now things are going well. Talking about the tough times could actually bring you closer together. You just need to orient the conversation around the idea that the two of you got through it\u00a0as a team<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Whether discussing good times or challenges, turn your attention to what you and he have accomplished together.<\/p>\n

Memory is a tricky thing. It\u2019s a real shot to your pride when you realize your memory isn\u2019t ironclad. But neither is his.<\/p>\n

So instead of debating about who said what when, keep tense conversations rooted in the present moment, and use your shared history to remember times when the two of you conquered something together.<\/p>\n

If you want to take it a step further, I have a Relationship Reboot<\/strong> program that will totally change your life. You simply have to use your Feminine Love Instinct<\/strong> to kickstart the whole process.<\/p>\n

Learn more here:<\/p>\n

Video: The Feminine Love Instinct Men Can’t Resist<\/a> <\/strong><\/h3>\n

Fair warning:<\/strong> once you do this, there’s no turning back. He’ll come at you with the energy and enthusiasm he had on your FIRST DATE<\/strong>!<\/p>\n

\"The<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By James Bauer Author of The Secret Love Instinct What If You Knew What Men Secretly Wanted, but They Could Never Tell You… Don’t Forget To Check Out\u00a0The Secret Love Instinct How to Outsmart He-Said-She-Said…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1290,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,16,22],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1287"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1287"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1287\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1688,"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1287\/revisions\/1688"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1290"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1287"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1287"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1287"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}