{"id":1128,"date":"2017-12-18T10:09:22","date_gmt":"2017-12-18T10:09:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/?p=1128"},"modified":"2018-06-05T00:09:13","modified_gmt":"2018-06-05T00:09:13","slug":"3-signs-youre-dating-emotionally-unavailable-men-how-to-know","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/3-signs-youre-dating-emotionally-unavailable-men-how-to-know\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Signs You\u2019re Dating Emotionally Unavailable Men \u2013 How To Know\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>By Carlos Cavallo<\/em><br \/>\n<em>Author of <a href=\"http:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/go\/committed\">Complete Commitment<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<h3><em><strong>Do You Want A Commitment From Him? Here&#8217;s the roadmap to getting his&#8230;<br \/>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/go\/committed\">Complete Commitment<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/h3>\n<h2>3 Signs You\u2019re Dating Emotionally Unavailable Men \u2013 How To Know\u2026<\/h2>\n<p>Woody Allen once famously said:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to\u2026 Women learn to feel attracted to the man they fall in love with\u2026<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>I think Woody hit it right on the head. And it\u2019s one of the most important realizations we can have about how romance and relationships\u00a0<strong>REALLY work<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>Men are looking for the attraction first, and women can often hold off on that if they find the KIND of man they want. It\u2019s not right or wrong \u2013 it just\u00a0<strong>IS.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Look, I\u2019m guessing you\u2019re\u00a0<strong>not<\/strong>\u00a0a 20 something that gets drunk and stupid at the clubs, yelling out \u201c<em>oh my god! I LOVE this song! Woo hoo!<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n<p><em>Am I right?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>If I\u00a0<strong>am<\/strong>\u00a0right \u2013 and you\u2019re a woman that\u2019s ready for more, then you will want to hear what I have to say here\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Hang on:<\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"Most_men_are_NOT_emotionally_unavailable\">Most men are NOT emotionally\u00a0unavailable.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Oh, I know that\u2019s going to send many of my fans showing up at my house with burning torches, crying \u201cSend out the monster!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But that won\u2019t stop me from being right\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Sure, some guys\u00a0<strong>are<\/strong>\u00a0out of touch with their emotions, but most are not. What most magazines, gurus, books, and television shows tell you is \u201c<strong>emotional unavailability\u2122<\/strong>\u201d is actually something else\u00a0<strong>in disguise<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ll tell you what it is in a minute. But first \u2013 let me shock you again:<\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"Mature_men_in_your_target_zone_do_NOT_think_like_the_meatheads_that_went_to_clubs_in_their_20s\">Mature men in your target zone do NOT think like the meatheads that went to clubs in their 20s.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Sure, some\u00a0<em><strong>act<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0 like it, but that\u2019s a lack of enlightenment. And you probably aren\u2019t interested in them.<\/p>\n<p>You want to find\u00a0<strong>the right guys,<\/strong>\u00a0the ones that are attracted to\u00a0<strong>YOU<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 and\u00a0<em><strong>YOU<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0are attracted to them.<\/p>\n<p>So I\u2019m going to give you\u00a0<strong>3\u00a0Signs the man you\u2019re with is emotionally unavailable.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Why?<\/p>\n<p>Because I want you to\u00a0<em><strong>avoid the guys that are wasting your time<\/strong><\/em>. And we both know that guys that aren\u2019t there for you emotionally are a huge time waster. You know these guys can\u2019t really commit their heart to you.<\/p>\n<p>So let\u2019s avoid them right from the start\u2026<\/p>\n<h2><span id=\"You8217re_Dating_A_Guy_Who_Can8217t_Commit_8211_Sign_1_He8217s_NOT_in_touch_with_himself8230\">You\u2019re Dating A Guy Who Can\u2019t Commit \u2013 Sign 1: He\u2019s NOT in touch with\u00a0himself\u2026<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>For most men, being \u201cemotionally available\u201d is not\u00a0<em>just<\/em>\u00a0about sharing his feelings with you \u2013 or about his\u00a0<strong>EXPRESSION<\/strong>\u00a0of his emotional state.<\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"NEWSFLASH_Men_will_probably_never_show_emotions_on_the_same_level_as_a_woman_will_At_least_at_not_as_diversely\"><strong>NEWSFLASH: Men will probably never show emotions on the same level as a woman will. At least at not as diversely.<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Being \u201cEmotionally Available\u201d is about his openness with YOU\u00a0<em><strong>and<\/strong><\/em>himself.\u00a0His availability is about where he is right now emotionally\u00a0<strong>and<\/strong>his willingness to sit with that discomfort, instead of running away \u2013 or presenting it as \u201call fixed\u201d or all sorted out.<\/p>\n<p>This signal also includes the not-so-subtle way a guy will seem to\u00a0<strong>never accept the blame for anything<\/strong>\u00a0in the relationship.<\/p>\n<p><strong>HINT<\/strong>: If he\u2019s still blaming his ex (and all past exes) for relationships not working, you\u2019ve got a problem.<\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"One_Exception_If_he8217s_had_past_relationships_with_women_that_blamed_him_for_everything_to_the_point_of_emotional_abuse\"><strong>One Exception<\/strong>: If he\u2019s had past relationships with women that blamed him for\u00a0<em><strong>everything<\/strong><\/em>, to the point of emotional abuse.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>However, a\u00a0<strong>mature man<\/strong>\u00a0<em>knows<\/em>\u00a0what his contribution is to any relationship problems. Or he at least suspects them. So you have to be able to separate these two situations and see them clearly.<\/p>\n<p>A man has to be able to\u00a0<strong>own up to his role<\/strong>\u00a0and actions in the relationship. This is what it means to be in touch with himself.<\/p>\n<p>If he\u2019s still ducking out any kind of accountability, you\u2019re going to have an uphill battle for years to come.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ask yourself:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Is he a superficial guy? Entranced with the appearances?<\/li>\n<li>Is he a guy that\u2019s deeply vain about his own appearance?<\/li>\n<li>Is he able to connect with people that he doesn\u2019t need anything from?<\/li>\n<li>Can he hold a \u201cdeep\u201d conversation about\u2026 well,\u00a0<em><strong>anything<\/strong><\/em>?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>He needs to have the skills of holding more deep thoughts than Joey on \u201cFriends.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2><span id=\"He8217s_Emotionally_Unavailable_8211_Sign_2_He8217s_Got_An_Obvious_Relationship_Pattern8230\">He\u2019s Emotionally Unavailable \u2013 Sign 2: He\u2019s Got An Obvious Relationship Pattern\u2026<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Most legitimately emotionally unavailable men have a\u00a0<strong>clear pattern in their relationships<\/strong>, and it reveals their emotional maturity in detail.<\/p>\n<p>You should do your best to find out if he\u2019s got a pattern like\u00a0<strong>this<\/strong>:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Starts out hot and heavy<\/strong>. He\u2019ll move to sex\u00a0<em>really fast<\/em>, not because that\u2019s\u00a0<strong>ALL<\/strong>\u00a0he wants. It\u2019s because he\u2019s bypassing intimacy to stay comfortable in his pattern. He may even have genuine feelings for you, but he doesn\u2019t know how to handle them\u2026<\/li>\n<li><strong>Starts out with ALL the right moves<\/strong>. He\u2019s well rehearsed at the opening stages of a relationship because he practices them \u2013\u00a0<strong>A LOT<\/strong>. Simply because he doesn\u2019t get much further before walking away\u2026<\/li>\n<li><strong>Starts to grow impatient with the\u00a0<em>non-sexual<\/em>\u00a0part of relating.<\/strong>This is where the cracks start to show. He\u2019ll start to withdraw as he runs into his own limitations in relating to someone else\u2019s needs\u2026<\/li>\n<li><strong>Eventually cheats or breaks off the relationship to pursue someone new to start a new pattern with.<\/strong>\u00a0He\u2019s probably hoping that\u00a0<strong>The One<\/strong>\u00a0will be happy to have him and not demand his emotional engagement and communicating feelings. Of course, he\u2019s always disappointed and moving on yet again\u2026<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Mind you,\u00a0<strong>this pattern<\/strong>\u00a0is what you\u2019re probably used to. And I\u2019m here to tell you that \u2013 just because he pulls away from you, that does NOT mean he\u2019s\u00a0<strong>emotionally unavailable<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 or shut down. Or even \u201c<em>narcissistic<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>These are popular labels that many of the self-righteous gurus out there use to put on men to make us seem like the \u201cbroken\u201d or \u201c<em>defective<\/em>\u201d ones.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>I\u2019ll come back to this in a minute\u2026<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>But let\u2019s finish this with:<\/p>\n<h2><span id=\"He8217s_Emotionally_Shut_Down_8211_Sign_3_He_Just_Won8217t_8220Go_There82308221\">He\u2019s Emotionally Shut Down \u2013 Sign 3: He Just Won\u2019t \u201cGo There\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Relationships require a lot of self-awareness, to be sure. But when your man won\u2019t entrust your communication and level of intimacy by \u201cgoing there\u201d with you, you will have a struggle.<\/p>\n<h4>What I mean by \u201cTHERE\u201d is that place where our insecurities and faults lie.<\/h4>\n<p>Relationships succeed most when the \u201cugly\u201d parts are fully recognized \u2013 AND ACCEPTED.<\/p>\n<p><strong>EXAMPLE:<\/strong>\u00a0I can be really impatient when I\u2019m pushed to a limit.<\/p>\n<p>I know it, and seek to keep that part of me out of the way when it comes up. My wife and family accept this about me and also\u00a0<em>talk about it<\/em>\u00a0when it comes up.\u00a0Without that ability to \u201cgo there,\u201d I\u2019d look like just about every \u201cemotionally unavailable narcissist\u201d out there. Even if it\u2019s just my flaws coming up in the moment.<\/p>\n<p>And sometimes that impatience is something I decide to\u00a0<strong>NOT<\/strong>\u00a0let go of in the moment. But at least I\u2019m aware of it.<\/p>\n<p>This particular sign of emotional withdrawal (or \u201cunavailability\u201d) of not talking about flaws usually shows itself as a\u00a0<strong>sudden, powerful defensiveness<\/strong>. It\u2019s often painful to run into, because it feels like you hit a brick wall at 60 miles per hour.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Angry defensiveness<\/strong>\u00a0works for most guys. We have this routine down pat.<\/p>\n<p>Why?<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><strong>Men go to anger very quickly.<\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s our \u201cgo-to\u201d emotion. As quickly as many women go to tears, men go to rage\u2026<\/li>\n<li><strong>Women tend to fear confronting a man\u2019s anger.<\/strong>\u00a0It feels like disconnection to her, so she accommodates and avoids his anger by trying her best to not trigger it. And yeah, I don\u2019t blame you \u2013 it can be kinda scary in some men\u2026 (Some GUYS avoid other men for the same reason.)<\/li>\n<li>Men\u00a0<em><strong>KNOW<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0women react this way and often use our anger as a way to push you back from the edges of our feelings. It\u2019s kinda like a porcupine\u2019s quills keeping us in a safe zone\u2026<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>So it sometimes takes a bit of\u00a0<strong>loving, strong patience<\/strong>\u00a0on your part to get past this wall. If you can, you\u2019ll be rewarded by\u00a0<strong>his loyalty and trust<\/strong>. And the wall around his heart will grow weaker with every ounce of patience.<\/p>\n<p>Frankly, most women can\u2019t do this. It\u2019s a skill, one that I have to teach. Because when you run into his wall, the first thing in you that will get triggered is your own\u00a0<em><strong>EMOTIONAL WITHDRAWAL<\/strong><\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>So when you hear the term \u201c<strong>strong woman<\/strong>\u201d \u2013 NOW you know what that means!\u00a0<strong>Strong<\/strong>\u00a0enough to not let his abrasive B.S. push\u00a0<strong>you<\/strong>\u00a0away from\u00a0<em>your own loving acceptance<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>The truth is that many women have been brought up in the last 40 years or so with the idea that men should be compared to a woman. After all, a woman\u2019s level of connected-ness, emotionality, and way of being in a relationship is what a relationship\u00a0<strong>SHOULD BE<\/strong>, right?<\/p>\n<p>Well, yes \u2013 and\u00a0<strong>NO<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"I_believe_women_are_the_stewards_of_the_relationship_and_are_better_at_it_than_men_8211_intuitively_Naturally\">I believe women are the stewards of the relationship, and are\u00a0<strong>better<\/strong>\u00a0at it than men \u2013<em>intuitively<\/em>.\u00a0<strong>Naturally<\/strong>.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><strong>BUT<\/strong>\u00a0that does\u00a0NOT\u00a0mean that men should be compared like this in a way that makes them appear emotionally crippled. Nor should men be held to a standard which is not necessarily their strength. (Would you want to be held to a standard of a man\u2019s physical strength?)<\/p>\n<p>After all, a man could be just as right to say that women are \u201cwrong\u201d for not being able to look at a situation\u00a0<strong>LOGICALLY<\/strong>\u00a0or\u00a0<strong>RATIONALLY<\/strong>. Or that she\u2019s wrong for wanting\u00a0<strong>so much<\/strong>\u00a0emotional communication.<\/p>\n<p>Where do you judge the limits of \u201c<em><strong>right<\/strong><\/em>\u201d and \u201c<em><strong>wrong<\/strong><\/em>\u201d to be for emotional communication?<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s another truth here:<\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"Men_AND_women_can_be_8220emotionally_unavailable8221\"><strong>Men AND women can be \u201cemotionally unavailable\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>You might not know this given all the literature devoted to making men look like emotionless robots. There are probably as many women that are\u00a0<strong>TOO emotionally available<\/strong>, in fact, as there are men in the other camp.<\/p>\n<p>So let me assure you that most men are\u00a0<strong>VERY\u00a0<em>emotional<\/em><\/strong>. In fact, what often appears to you as a man who is \u201cemotionless\u201d is simply a guy who doesn\u2019t really spend a lot of time in that \u201c<em>think about my feelings<\/em>\u201d state. And men are cultured to hide their feelings.<\/p>\n<p>Guys are simple like that. We\u00a0<em>feel &amp; forget<\/em>\u00a0pretty quickly.<\/p>\n<p>Most men will never have a desire to go\u00a0<strong>DEEP<\/strong>\u00a0into their emotional states. We men can feel them, but do not get a lot of satisfaction from extensive analysis of our feelings.<\/p>\n<p><strong>HOWEVER \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>There is a\u00a0<strong>shortcut<\/strong>\u00a0into a man\u2019s heart \u2013 a way past all the defenses, walls and obstacles that he puts up between you and his love\u2026<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s\u00a0<strong>a roadmap<\/strong>\u00a0I created to show you how to get in his heart \u2013 and\u00a0<strong>get him to eagerly commit to you\u2026\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I want to reveal the\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/go\/committed\"><strong>CUPID EFFECT<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0\u2013 and how it works to\u00a0<strong>get him to open up to you<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 faster, and with all his heart\u2026<\/p>\n<h2><a href=\"http:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/go\/committed\"><strong>GO HERE to discover the Cupid Effect<\/strong><\/a><\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/go\/committed\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1212\" src=\"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/MYS-Committed.jpg\" alt=\"Complete Commitment\" width=\"933\" height=\"420\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/MYS-Committed.jpg 933w, https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/MYS-Committed-300x135.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/MYS-Committed-768x346.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 933px) 100vw, 933px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Yours In Perfect Passion,<\/p>\n<p>Carlos Cavallo<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By Carlos Cavallo Author of Complete Commitment Do You Want A Commitment From Him? Here&#8217;s the roadmap to getting his&#8230; Complete Commitment 3 Signs You\u2019re Dating Emotionally Unavailable Men \u2013 How To Know\u2026 Woody Allen&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1129,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,11,17],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1128"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1128"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1128\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1904,"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1128\/revisions\/1904"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1129"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1128"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1128"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/women\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1128"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}