{"id":381,"date":"2013-11-12T04:10:01","date_gmt":"2013-11-12T04:10:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/men\/blog\/?p=381"},"modified":"2018-07-18T06:37:48","modified_gmt":"2018-07-18T06:37:48","slug":"playing-games-%e2%80%93-good-or-bad-way-to-start-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.meetysweet.com\/men\/blog\/playing-games-%e2%80%93-good-or-bad-way-to-start-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Playing Games \u2013 Good or Bad Way to Start a Relationship?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I heard recently from one of my female friends who had just got into a new relationship (talking about her new man):
\n
\n\u201cHe is so much better than all the other guys I\u2019ve gone out with. He doesn\u2019t play any games, and always lets me know how much he cares about me. <\/em>I don\u2019t have to worry about him being around other women and he\u2019s always honest about how he\u2019s feeling.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

As I listened I realised I had heard the EXACT same thing from many women before.<\/p>\n

But this got me thinking, as aren\u2019t men always being given the message that they need to PLAY HARD TO GET to keep a woman interested?<\/p>\n

So I decided to write this article to clear up what \u2018playing games\u2019 is really about, and how effective these games actually are when it comes to winning a woman\u2019s heart.<\/p>\n

You may be surprised at what you will find out.<\/p>\n

First of all, let\u2019s break down WHY we play these \u2018hard to get\u2019 games.<\/strong><\/p>\n

We\u2019ve all done it.<\/p>\n

Taken three days to call, flirted a little with that other woman at the party, acted like you\u2019re not really that interested\u2026 all part of the fun right?<\/p>\n

But what is playing hard to get really about? WHY do we need to make her feel jealous? WHY can\u2019t we just show her straight away we are interested?<\/p>\n

The hard truth is, the way we go about trying to get a woman\u2019s attention says a lot more about how we feel about ourselves than how we feel about her:<\/p>\n

Playing hard to get is all about SELF-PROTECTION.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2018If I act like I\u2019m not interested, she can\u2019t reject me\u2019<\/p>\n

As much as we hate to admit it, the thought of being rejected by that woman we really like is absolutely soul-crushing. And we want to do all that we can to protect our vulnerable hearts \u2013 even if we don\u2019t realise that is what we are doing.<\/p>\n

But what are the consequences of our game playing?<\/p>\n

When we play hard to get, we are BREAKING HER DOWN. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s look at two examples:<\/p>\n

1. Taking several days to call or text.
\nAim:<\/strong> You don\u2019t want to appear \u2018too keen\u2019 or \u2018desperate\u2019.
\nConsequence:<\/strong> She feels insecure, unwanted, and assumes you weren\u2019t really that interested in her.<\/p>\n

2. Flirting with other women in front of her.
\nAim:<\/strong>You want to make her feel jealous by showing her that there are other women out there you could have.
\nConsequence: <\/strong>She feels rejected, jealous and insecure: like she doesn\u2019t size up to other woman. You appear like a player who could be after any woman.<\/p>\n

Making her feel like this will only make her lose her trust and faith in you. What you are doing is causing damage to her spirit, and even if she does end up going out with you she will never forget deep down how you made her feel.<\/p>\n

What we SHOULD be doing is BUILDING HER UP. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s take another look at the conversation I had with my friend:<\/p>\n

\u201cHe is so much better than all the other guys I\u2019ve gone out with. He doesn\u2019t play any games, and always lets me know how much he cares about me. I don\u2019t have to worry about him being around other women and he\u2019s always honest about how he\u2019s feeling.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

My friend is feeling like the luckiest woman alive because her man is building her up. He always lets her know how much he cares about her and he is always honest. This man has made my friend feel like the most amazing woman in the world from the first day he met her, and she will cherish him forever for it.<\/p>\n

So what is the difference between this man and one who always plays hard to get?<\/p>\n

Self-confidence.<\/p>\n

This man is a CONFIDENT MAN. He is comfortable about who he is, he knows what he wants, and he is not scared to go out there and get it. That doesn\u2019t mean he\u2019s not worried about getting rejected \u2013 we all are.<\/p>\n

But a confident man handles his fear with grace.<\/p>\n

He might call her the next day, tell her he had a great time and ask if she would like to go out with him next weekend. This would show her that he is interested, motivated and worthy of her trust.<\/p>\n

But if she did not reply to his call, or did not wish to commit to the date, this is when our confident man would draw back. Give her time to reply, but not take it personally if she doesn\u2019t \u2013 this is her loss.
\n
\nA confident man realizes that his BEST chance of winning the heart of his woman is to go out there and do everything in his power to prove that he is the one for her. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Once a woman has had a man worship her like this, she will not give a second more of her time to a man who dares to play games with her.<\/p>\n

Drawing the line\u2026<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, too often men are being given the message that you NEED to play hard to get to keep a woman interested.<\/p>\n

From a scientific point of view, this belief stems from the fact that people are attracted to potential mates who are socially selective. Being socially selective is when you show you desire particular women over others, based on your own set of standards and preferences.<\/p>\n

Obviously, we are not likely to feel attracted to a woman who seems to eying up every man in the room, as this would signal she is desperate.<\/p>\n

But the mistake men often make when trying to attract a woman is doing the exact opposite: acting as if they aren\u2019t interested at all. When what would be a lot more effective is selectively giving attention to the woman they are pursuing.<\/p>\n

Acting like you\u2019re not interested signals rejection and will turn her away. Paying full attention to HER and ignoring other woman will make her feel incredibly special and valued.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s go back to one of our examples from above. A man who is playing hard to get might flirt with other women at the party in order to try and make the woman he desires feel jealous.<\/p>\n

Our CONFIDENT MAN would be polite to other woman, but would make it clear that he has eyes only for the woman he desires. He would give her compliments and make her feel that she is the most beautiful woman in the room.<\/p>\n

Who\u2019s going to get the girl?<\/p>\n

I think you know the answer.<\/p>\n

Remember\u2026 being confident and showing that you are interested does not mean there will be any less sparks flying. Flirting is great: an essential part of creating that atmosphere of excitement and romance.<\/p>\n

Compliments, touch, teasing, making her laugh – this is what will draw her straight into your arms.<\/p>\n

But eying up other women in front of her, or all of a sudden acting like you are not interested, will have her soon running in the opposite direction. Or even worse \u2013 into the arms of someone else.<\/p>\n

So gentlemen, DO NOT feel you need to play hard to get to win her heart. Be a CONFIDENT MAN and you will keep her forever.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I hope you have found this article helpful. Please feel free to share your feedback and own experiences with dating games in the comments section below.<\/p>\n

Brooke Ryan, Author
\nMeetYourSweet.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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